Don't Get Me Started


Linda Sharp - Author - Columnist - Media Guest - Event Speaker

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Available for syndication to your website, ezine, newsletter or print publication, Linda's special weekly column, "Don't Get Me Started", addresses timely topics and issues effecting our everyday lives.  Sometimes funny, sometimes not, but always honest, candid and straight to the heart of the matter.

THIS WEEK:  Jesus Christ: Superstar or Super Czar?

I hate stupidity.

Period.

(I realize for those of you who read me regularly, this is not exactly earth shaking news.)

Yes, while some folks are lactose intolerant, it is bullshit that I cannot stomach.

My disdain for stupidity and BS are behind my aversion to organized religion. This is a personal preference, so don't get your rosary in a wad.

I realize millions of people cling to and find comfort on some level in their choice of faith and weekly church going. That is fine. I completely respect that.  As long as you keep it to yourself and the group to which you belong.

Don't bring it to my doorstep. Don't pontificate in the supermarket. Don't proselytize in the carpool line.

I'm not interested. If I want what you're selling, I know where to find it. I live in a major city where cathedrals occupy every intersection and church flyers occupy my mailbox as frequently as new Chinese take-out menus.

But don't hold your breath waiting for me. I simply cannot stomach the attitudes that go with the belief systems.

The stubborn belief that YOU are doing the believing the right way and everyone else is marching towards Hell. The condescension that every other religion is "made up", that yours is the only true faith. The conservative, judgmental babble that condemns anyone different to God's wrath.

As for YOU having nailed the religious compulsories in the God Olympics? Wrong. You believe what you believe because you were taught to believe it by someone who was taught to believe it by someone else who was taught to believe it, and on and on. Unless you have been to the Pearly Gates and conversed with the doorman, you have no idea whether you are "doing it right".

Condescending to think that every religion BUT YOURS is "made up" is laughable. Read some history. All major religions grew from the same tiny strip of land IN THE MIDDLE EAST. Jesus was not some whitebred, ivy leaguer from Connecticut. He was of Middle Eastern descent, accented, living among the sand dunes. All religions have morphed, warped, joined, divided and imploded at the hands of MAN throughout the ages.

And as for the judgmental verbiage that constantly spews forth? What gives? Who died and made you King? Not Jesus, kids. He died, but not so you could take over and pass judgment on everyone. Think gay people go to Hell? Fine, don't shack up with the same sex. But don't you dare deign to f*ck those who do up the proverbial ass. Mind your own business.  Don't care for someone's politics? Your choice. But don't open your mouth and attribute that person's bad luck to God.

Which brings us to Pat Robertson, one of the people who sparked this rant.

Dear, sweet Pat - who must surely have broadband, high-speed access to God's MySpace page, today issued a statement that Israel's Prime Minister Ariel Sharon - currently in grave, critical condition after a third brain surgery to mitigate bleeding caused by a massive stroke - was struck down, BY GOD, for his politics (the withdrawal from Gaza). Yes, God smote Sharon. Basically, Ari is a bad person and He decided to get out the Cosmic Paddle.

Pat tends to babble like this a lot. So much so that I have come to believe that his show is named The 700 Club for the number of bullshit laced sentences he craps out each hour.

So Pat - am I to understand that God is some scary, vindictive Czar, sitting on his golden throne and sending the lightning bolts as punishment? That doesn't wash with me. What about the dead Iraqi baby, killed in one of yesterday's bombings, whose photo was displayed around the world for all to see? What could she have possibly done to piss off God so? Leak out her diaper?

And what about the men killed in the Sago mine tragedy? By all accounts, they were honest, hard working, God worshipping, family men. What was their sin? Did they leave the seat up too many times?

No Pat - you can't have it both ways. You cannot attribute something like a person's stroke to God's wrath and then turn around and ask Him for help in the face of a tsunami. If He sent one, He sent both.

The other religious uproar taking place today is over the new NBC show, "The Book of Daniel". The show centers around a Protestant minister, who while trying to navigate life, his ministry, and his family's issues, just happens to have a very conversational Jesus riding shotgun everywhere he goes.

I love the premise and can't wait to see more than just the previews.

But Nooooooooooooooooooooo. Christian groups believe frogs are going to rain from the skies and are calling for boycotts, petitions, and smotings of NBC affiliates who dare air the program. Basis? How dare they portray Jesus as some confidante, some counselor, some amiable presence a person can just talk to anytime?!?!

God forbid (pardon the pun) people begin to have conversations with Him just because. Good lord (again, sorry), the church offering baskets may get a little light if folks start talking to God and Jesus on a Thursday morning instead of waiting for their standing Sunday reservation.

Quite frankly, that's just the Jesus I believe in. I don't need an appointment in some big cement and marble building to have a chat with Him. I don't believe He has a problem with my laughing out loud or finding humor in the absurdities of this world. I don't believe He wants me to spend my life - wait, scratch that - waste my life being afraid of Him.

No, I was given this life to make the most of it. To enjoy it, learn from it, walk away from it knowing I contributed.

And personally, I don't believe He is either wicked super-Czar or shiny super-star. Rather, I think He suffers from the same bullshit and stupidity intolerance that afflicts me, and right now, in lieu of smoting our collective pathetic asses, could really use a couple Advil and a good laugh.

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