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This Just In: Ahnuld Is Human, Not Robot As Ignorant Voters/Moviegoers Thought!

May I have a show of hands please. Who would rather see a major earthquake drop California into the Pacific than endure any more political mudslinging in this recall race?

OK, put your hands down - some of you didnít remember deodorant this morning.

The latest dirt clod was directed at Arnold Schwarzenegger, which is predictable considering he is now a serious threat to poor Graying Davis.

In the beginning, the opposing politicos chose to attack his lack of experience. And you know, in their defense, they are right. When it comes to politics, Arnold has no experience in bilking taxpayers, lying to constituents and abusing the system.

What? The polls show California voters will still take his inexperience over Gray Davisí formidable resume of ruin? Go figure.

OK, letís bring up his antics while Mr. Universe - thirty years ago. What?!? He made the rounds with - gasp - lots of women!?!? I have news for you people wanting to make a case against him for that: What 20 year old male isnít trying to get laid? A LOT. Next scandal please.

I know! Letís make sure everyone knows he is an actor. Oh gee, we didnít know that, as most of us have lived in a box the past 20 years. Listen up, I am a middle aged mother of three and even I have seen Total Recall and all the Terminator movies. And as far as attacking his "actor" status after the debate in which he participated? Every single politician is an actor, worthy of an Oscar for Best Pompous Ass In A Leading Role. They do not write their own speeches, they change their stances on issues like most of us change our underwear, and their every word, movement and breath is dictated by the latest polling figures and a special breed of director: SPIN DOCTORS.

So, Californians didnít respond negatively to the shocking news that Arnold acts. Hmmm, what can we sling next?

Que the boobs.

Lots of them.

Yes, thatís right, seek out the now droopy boobed women he may have inappropriately touched since birth. God help him if he breast fed. Seriously, suddenly there is a platoon of women willing to publicly cry out that he grabbed, fondled or in some way "touched them" in years past. I have a question for these women: Where is your police report? Where was the news story when it happened? Why isnít Arnold walking funny from you kicking him in the testes?

What was that? Oh, you feared for your job? Your reputation? Give me a break. You need to decide then and there what price you put on your integrity and body. Donít wait for 10 years, 3 years, even 3 hours and then start crying. Iím a woman and even I donít feel sorry for you.

To his credit, he stood up and admitted he had behaved inappropriately on occasion and he apologized. Thatís a hell of a lot more than a certain cigar smoking PRESIDENT did when he got busted. And we kept him in office.

Arnold is human, like the rest of us. Granted, he is a rich human, but human nonetheless. Perhaps therein lies the appeal for the voters and the fear for the opposition. Experience has gotten California into a heap of trouble. And all this mudslinging has not clouded the vision of the people who will ultimately decide who wins. Heck, even Gary Coleman could win with a slogan like, "What You Talkiní ĎBout? I Canít Do Any Worse Than Gray Davis."

One last thought for the spin doctors. If sexual escapades, scandals and inappropriate behavior are the litmus test for political suitability, we are a nation with no leaders. North Korea, you can move in anytime.

We have some nice ocean front property just waiting for you.

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